Funny Quotes from TV

I’m not the kinda guy with a huge weight problem, but I’m the kinda guy who could really put the brakes on an orgy.
– Mike Birbiglia

I shouldn’t say bad things about the illiterate, though…I should WRITE IT.  That way they won’t find out.
– Mike Birbiglia

I probably have pork in my teeth, and my rabbi would NOT be happy with that.
– Random woman on Throwdown

Asian girls are sexy.  Asian guys are tech support.
– Steve Byrne

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
– Demitri Martin

You have to stop the Q-Tip when there’s resistance!
– Chandler Bing


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