[While watching Grey’s Anatomy]
Mrs. O’Malley: We’re Catholic. We don’t believe in divorce!
Vanessa: We also believe in taking marriage prep classes.
Just seal me with the Holy Spirit and move on.
Dyan: Clearly everyone has…
Barbara: I’m not sure how I feel about this…the cookie’s hard, but the chocolate is still melted.
Femi: It’s a mystery like Christ…eat it.
Hey instead of Indiana Jones, it’s like Indonesia Jones.
– Jorge (talking about Shortround)
He has a slinky. What am I supposed to do?
If anybody asks, we’re having a family emergency.
Kevin: I can’t wait until you get old and people start calling you Mrs. Snodgrass.
Dominika: No they won’t. They’ll call me Sister Mary Dominika.
You can do anything on Facebook except procreate…but I’m sure at some point in time you’ll be able to do that too…make little Facebook babies.
Ow, Jesus doesn’t hit back!
That’s what we should do instead of like petting the homeless.
I am not the real world! I am Ms. Saldana’s World of Algebra!
It’s going to be the world’s biggest conundrum: Asian dies by chopstick.
me: so now there’s ANOTHER picture of my halloween costume from senior year me: floating around on facebook
me: no not sweet
me: i will win this
Daniel: that’s what she said!
me: i give up
Daniel: now i win 🙂
me: well played sir
me: i actually loled
If you were reading what I was reading, you’d be begging for monkey sex.
Sometimes in my room I play with my molecular model set. No, that is not a euphemism for my lady places.
We can literally give you balls of steel! Just let us cut them off!!!
When guys start kissing other guys, we need an alcohol policy.
[girl falls forward onto me in the IMAX theater]
I bet that was worth the ticket price.
– Girl’s boyfriend
Damnit Grady! Next year we’ll be too old to drink illegally!
Why is Jesus in a camera case?!
I like my men to not have cars. It shows that they’re environmentally friendly.
…a fire-breathing Holy Spirit dove, ca-CAW, ca-CAW.