Funny Quotes From Real Life

“We were up before the sun?  That kind of makes me mad at the sun…it got to sleep in.”
– Alyssa

[While watching Grey’s Anatomy]
Mrs. O’Malley: We’re Catholic.  We don’t believe in divorce!
Vanessa: We also believe in taking marriage prep classes.

Just seal me with the Holy Spirit and move on.
– Anna

Dyan: Clearly everyone has…
Alfonso: Issues?

Barbara: I’m not sure how I feel about this…the cookie’s hard, but the chocolate is still melted.
Femi: It’s a mystery like Christ…eat it.

Hey instead of Indiana Jones, it’s like Indonesia Jones.
– Jorge (talking about Shortround)

He has a slinky.  What am I supposed to do?
– Jackie

If anybody asks, we’re having a family emergency.
– Megan

Kevin: I can’t wait until you get old and people start calling you Mrs. Snodgrass.
Dominika: No they won’t.  They’ll call me Sister Mary Dominika.

You can do anything on Facebook except procreate…but I’m sure at some point in time you’ll be able to do that too…make little Facebook babies.
– Erin

Ow, Jesus doesn’t hit back!
– Grady

That’s what we should do instead of like petting the homeless.
– Richie

I am not the real world!  I am Ms. Saldana’s World of Algebra!
– Jenna

It’s going to be the world’s biggest conundrum: Asian dies by chopstick.
– Jorge

me: so now there’s ANOTHER picture of my halloween costume from senior year me: floating around on facebook
me: >.<
Daniel: hahaah
Daniel: sweet
me: no not sweet
me: bad
Daniel: no
Daniel: sweet
me: no
me: bad
me: i will win this
me: 😛
Daniel: no
Daniel: nonononononononononononononononononononononononono
Daniel: nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono
me: yes
me: yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
me: yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes
Daniel: that’s what she said!
me: >.<
me: i give up
Daniel: now i win 🙂
me: well played sir
me: i actually loled

If you were reading what I was reading, you’d be begging for monkey sex.
– Ashley

Sometimes in my room I play with my molecular model set. No, that is not a euphemism for my lady places.
– Kiley

We can literally give you balls of steel!  Just let us cut them off!!!
– Caroline

When guys start kissing other guys, we need an alcohol policy.
– Richie

[girl falls forward onto me in the IMAX theater]
I bet that was worth the ticket price.
– Girl’s boyfriend

Damnit Grady!  Next year we’ll be too old to drink illegally!
– Jason

Why is Jesus in a camera case?!

I like my men to not have cars.  It shows that they’re environmentally friendly.
– Kayla

…a fire-breathing Holy Spirit dove, ca-CAW, ca-CAW.
– Matt

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