[02.02.11] Morning Musings

Okay, so I’m REALLY bad at keeping up with this thing.  So the last week’s been quite a bit of a whirlwind for me, which is part of the reason why it’s been a little harder for me to take some time out in the mornings to blog.  Although I have been feeling significantly less focused on what I’m supposed to be doing and more just generally scattered.

Anyway, the biggest thing that I’ve come to realize is that I’m really bad at this whole commitment thing…Ironically enough, two semesters ago, I gave a talk on resolution and commitment.  We saw how well that worked out.  Oh well.  Anyway, since everyone knows that Awakening will suck up all free time and thoughts until it is over, this is going to go back to Awakening.

On Monday night, we had speaker adoration.  And we had people bail for various reasons.  Legitimate enough reasons, but still a little frustrating since before we picked Monday nights for adoration, Andrea and I both got together and literally said what would be the worst day for us.  Our answer: Monday nights.  But we sucked it up because it’s easier for a co-co to make the sacrifice because we know what we’re getting ourselves into, we’ve been there before.  They haven’t.  So fine, that’s that.

That’s not really the issue though.  Attendance has just been sort of an uphill battle with this sort of thing.  I mean I know it’s an extracurricular, but we ask for 3 two hour meetings and a 4 hour workday over the span of 6 weeks. 10 hours out of about 1000, not even 1/100 of their time.  Granted, in the overall scheme of things, the attendance rate doesn’t really matter, but it’s more of the principle of if you’re going to commit, we expect you to be responsible.

Anyway, I say all this because back at adoration on Monday, I was trying to write, and I could not find anything to say in regards to our talk.  I was trying to come up with anything, and I didn’t get a damn thing written.  Go figure.

Then I started thinking about why this was happening.  And I’m realizing that, especially with a canned retreat like this where a checklist is basically there in your face so that a monkey can run things, it’s really easy to get so focused on the details that the big picture is out of sight; the main idea of this retreat, the entire reason why we signed up for this or even why Awakening even exists to begin with is all for God and to bring more and more people closer to Him.

And I feel like I’ve lost that.  Not just in that arena but in my day-to-day life.  I feel like God’s calling me to be a nurse but I’m still forgetting to keep Him in mind as I go through all my work to get to that point.  I went to nursing for a more ministerial role in the health care field, and then I’m getting so caught up in lists and paperwork and whatnot that I’m finding myself forgetting to minister to the patients.

I don’t know.  We’ll see how all of this pans out.  I guess if all else fails, I can write about my own struggle with this.